Once I read an article with the title “what to do with all these monsters”. It focused on that question about #metoo and the audience’s love for the monsters’ work and the simultaneous abhorrence, ruining the recipient’s empathy with the monsters’ deeds.

Psychologically it may seem obvious that our thoughts and feelings wander through fields of association, without finding any clear demarcation or border, we are always affected by everything that surrounds us at the same time. We can’t isolate ourselves from what already came to our attention. But how is it possible then to write, to compose, to anticipate - and therefor fulfill expectations or make unexpected things happen or even to imagine them and later be right about that? As a composer I am expected, am expecting from myself even, to work as a magician of time. 

Considering all the thoughts which I dedicate to a composition, all my ideas that I discard, sometimes I imagine what it would be like to decontextualise my work as much as possible. What would there be left and how would it feel - for me and the audience.

Within my last work, I refused to answer that question to an extreme. I wanted to make it most personal with my chamber opera kri_k — der Schrei, hoping that this aspect of being personal, may it not mediate between artist and every person in audience semantically, all the more as a starting position kri_k -- der Schrei offers an emotional truthfulness.

But this fragility of semantics remains. I could harbour false assumptions. Within my privileges I could take too long to become aware of my flaws and reproduce harm. In which way might I still be the monster, refusing to detect?
 
Alternative/additional ideas: 
I could just create more compositions with screaming, like I lately screamed into Christian Wernicke’s guitar during an instrumentation workshop held by  Aleph Gitarrenquartett.